The challenge ahead

This Friday I have rotator cuff surgery. I have mixed feelings about it, kind of like finding out your are pregnant for the first time then being terrified at the prospect of giving birth.

 I have watched my husband go through having both his shoulders done so I understand the intense pain post op and during the following 12-16 weeks of rehab. I know there can be a depression as you recover and you wonder if your arm will ever be the same. I understand this. I want to think I will be strong and push through this but part of mind wonders, am I tough enough to get through this and do the rehab even when it hurts like hell?

 I just turned 60, will it be a factor......even though I am going into this in the best shape that I have been in since my 20's. I am a triathlete. I became a triathlete just this summer, in my 60th yr. that in itself has had repeated challenges and fears to overcome, as well as numerous injuries as I push my older body to run, cycle and swim faster and better. Did I give up? No. Was it hard? Yes was it demoralizing at times? Yes ......I am thinking perhaps this first season has hardened me and prepared me for the challenge and limitations of this surgery. That's what I think  most of the time. It will be difficult not to be able to run this winter.....I love cold weather running. I am post menopausal so I carry my own internal heat source and it works for me.  I will miss that.....and the multisports community. I worry how I will cope with seeing posts and watching friends begin training for the season when I cannot. I am trying to make peace with the loss of a tri season. It is hard. I am driven to train and I enjoy it. I get cranky without it. I have set up my bike trainer so I can cycle when permitted and I have a "dreadmill" to walk on. If I can't race then I will volunteer. My goal was to run my first half marathon in Sept. I am going to try to make that goal. Trying to be positive. This is also prime scrapbooking time but not sure I can do much with one hand.......perhaps I can really get a lot of digital Studio J scrapping done..... I can mouse and click just fine! 

Say a prayer for an uneventful surgery and recovery. I will post but probably not til after Christmas since I will be drugged up quite nicely......at least that's the plan!